Women tend to do too much. Yes? This might be a gross over assumption. It might be a generalization. But, in my experiences, we want to be more to more people than men and so, I stick to my claim.
Why this happens is the big golden question and in my experience its related to self-worth, conflicting demands, the introduction of new personal values, and more. I’ll even throw in the ‘ol media card. Yep, doing it. Just today I picked up and read the first women’s magazine that I’ve read in over a year. In it I was slammed with sex tips, cooking demos, business advice, parenting guidance, oh and countless, countless, COUNTLESS images of size four women. [Insert offensive and extreme three minutes of cursing.]
We want it A-L-L. (P.s. So, do, I.)
The other day a friend of mine was over and we were talking about the New Year. With excitement she told me about all the great stuff she planned on doing starting in January — kids this, me that, husband this, and so on. Major commitments ahead. The thing is, what I sensed in her was apprehension, anxiety, and stress. Just talking about her plans she was actually saying to me how much it was going to be to take on, and yet, it’s happening. She’s taking on so much — all for the good of it — and yet, all I could think of is why on Earth are you doing all of this? It struck me as too much.
And then yesterday my sister was describing for me her Holiday festivities — cooking, entertaining, hosting, et al and just as she’s telling me all about her awesomeness she also says out loud, almost just to herself, “I think I’ve taken on too much.” Um, you think?
It’s so easy to get caught up in it all. In my friends case, she’s forging all steam ahead towards achievements that are so worthwhile, so important and yet I’m afraid she’ll end up like me. (Maybe this is a “me” issue.) And my sister, being so much to so many — super Mom, super Sister, super Daughter….. Don’t get me wrong — I will eat her Christmas breakfast with joy and praise her ’till the end of time for her mad food-making skills. (And, ask for leftovers.)
We push and push ourselves to do more and in my humble opinion, BE more. Be more “successful,” be more of a wife, sister, mother, daughter [normally the first three], be more “perfect” and yet the whole purpose is lost somewhere behind.
Doing too much will burn you out. Period. There is no way in hell I can be convinced otherwise. Now, here are my oh-so-humble tips on how to do LESS and BE more.
1. Keep it Simple: don’t spread yourself thin. There is only so much “fancy” to go around. Fancy referring to elaborate meals you cook, special events you plan, and so forth. The people who really love you would be happy to hang with you in sweats and have a cup of tea at home. Simple.
2. Be in Tune: If you hear yourself say, “I think I’ve taken on too much” you have. Ask for help, for goodness sake. People will help you. And if not, ask them — why won’t you help me. Seek to understand.
3. Say, NO. Better yet, Sing “No” in your best Diva/Broadway/Axel Rose voice: Stop it, right now. Stop saying yes. ‘Nuff said.
4. Do the things that make you Feel Good: Consider how you want to feel. It’s a groovy, groovy thought courtesy of my life idol Danielle LaPorte If you want to feel in zen, why have a jam packed schedule?
P.s. The women who do too much make us breakfasts to remember, give us greeting cards when we feel down, and are always there for a friend. Always. This isn’t about judging those women or asking them to always do less, it’s about being conscious of when we’re in our good zone, or our bad zone.